Monday, December 15

I made a prototype for an insect gymnasium but had to give up on the idea. I couldn't work out the bugs. Welcome to the Baseball Traveler newsletter. Enough with the jokes. Let's talk about Minor League Baseball.

On a beautiful August evening at Peoples Natural Gas Field, Altoona Curve marketing director Mike Kessling took a seat within a makeshift concourse studio and leaned into the mic to begin his nightly pregame show. The Curve, Double-A affiliate of the Pittsburgh Pirates, were slated to take on the Hartford Yard Goats and information needed to be conveyed to the early-arriving fans in attendance.

As soon as Kessling began to speak, his voice was overpowered by a cacophony of audio squall.

"It's a little awful, if you will, that feedback," said Kessling, wearing an oversized cowboy hat, hula skirt and mismatched sneakers. "Because it's Awful Night here in Curve, P-A." 

Were these awful technical difficulties intentional? They may have well as been. On Awful Night, quality adherence goes out the window.

"You can expect awful graphics, awful music and awful on-field [between-inning contests]," Kessling continued. "We had Hot Dog Boy out on the party deck, and I do want to pass this along from the front office: We do apologize that our high-fives did not come in tonight, and hopefully you got one of those vouchers if you’re one of the first 500 fans."

Clearly, there's a lot to unpack.

Awful Night, perhaps the purest distillation of the Minor League Baseball promotional principle that no idea is too stupid, began in 2003. It was the brainchild of Todd "Parney" Parnell, a Minor League lifer who now serves as Senior Advisor to the Richmond Flying Squirrels. An early iteration of Awful Night was highlighted by Parney advertising that he would give away his recently removed gallbladder to one "lucky" fan. When this idea was nixed by the powers that were the Curve resorted to giving away photos of the removed appendage.

In 2007, new to the world of Minor League Baseball and in search of the industry's dumbest and therefore best endeavors, I traveled to Altoona to witness Awful Night for myself. Highlights included a spork giveaway, a caped and shirtless man named Captain Awful singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in falsetto and an advertised postgame "Laaser Light Show" that turned out to be then-broadcaster Jon Laaser dancing with glow sticks while wearing a green bodysuit.

Three years later, due to staff turnover and shifting promotional priorities, Awful Night ceased.

"To this day we have college kids call the office and ask us about Awful Night," said Kessling, who began working for the Curve in 2015.

"There's such a reputation to that promotion, and that just lent itself to 'We should bring it back.' In 2021, we decided to do it, and then it rained out. But that was my favorite from [the new] era of Awful Night, because we gave away a 2020 team photo which went over very well. It was empty chairs with a single hat, because the 2020 season didn't happen."

In 2025, Awful Night did happen, for better or for worse. The aforementioned Hot Dog Boy, an actual musician (and Altoona native) who wears a hot dog suit while playing the keytar, provided pregame entertainment. Meanwhile, fans who were promised a "free high-five" as the night's giveaway item instead received a voucher offering redemption for a game on Sept. 8 (which was actually the first day of the offseason).

"The entire staff has bought into [Awful Night] and we have people wearing their shirts inside-out just to do something to be a part of it," said Kessler.

At least those people were wearing shirts. Curve mascot Loco took the field in a red speedo and a Santa hat. (This led a fan named Camilo Romero, attending his first Curve game, to remark, "I didn’t know you could make sexy awful, but they achieved it.") Al Tuna, usually an exuberant "rally mascot," later appeared on the field sullenly holding a sign reading, "I'm just here so I don’t get fined."

The awfulness was particularly pronounced in-between innings, with contests that included Name that Smell, Name that Tune (on kazoo), and a water-balloon-throwing competition in which the balloons were ostensibly filled with hot dog water. Even the ballgame itself ended in the most awful way possible: a walk-off walk.

"Awful Night really encompasses Minor League Baseball in a single game," said Kessler, who noted pridefully that other teams have staged their own versions in recent years.

"It's just awful greatness going everywhere."

The Altoona Curve will always have a special place in my heart, as the team played a pivotal role in my professional development. Awful Night 2007 marked the first time I ever visited a ballpark in a professional context, and in March of 2009 I returned to compete in an "Out-Standing" fan contest, an endurance test to determine who could stand for the longest period of time while touching a life-size bobblehead statue.   

Peoples Natural Gas Field, originally called Blair County Ballpark, opened in 1999 in conjunction with the Curve's arrival (the Curve, whose name references the nearby Horseshoe Curve train tracks, were an Eastern League expansion team).

This is a large ballpark, one of the very few in Double-A that has an honest-to-God upper-level seating bowl.

Peoples Natural Gas Field's most distinctive feature isn't located in the facility itself. The Skyliner roller coaster (currently non-operational) looms beyond right field. The coaster is part of Lakemont Park amusement park.

During the game, I escaped for an inning to the broadcast booth, which in 2025 was the domain of Jon Mozes and his assistant Preston Shoemaker. Mozes, possessed of sly humor and sonorous voice, has called games in the Eastern League for 11 seasons (six for the Trenton Thunder followed by five for the Curve).

On Awful Night, the food wasn't. Designated Eater Pat Thompson, a Philly guy who now lives closer to Pittsburgh, was recruited to consume the ballpark cuisine my gluten-free diet prohibits.

When seeing a game in Altoona, you get the Curve Burger. It's just what you do. It's a simple creation but very highly regarded. Pat got one with cheese and topped it thusly.

"Juicy patty, really flavorful and well cooked -- especially for a stadium burger," said Pat, while wearing an Altoona Pizzas hat (they should have served that on Awful Night).

And you know what, Pat? I concur. Thanks to the Curve for hooking me up with a gluten-free bun (which I don't believe they have on a regular basis, sorry).

The Curve Burgers are sold on the right-field side of the ballpark. Pat and I then ventured into left to grab some Rail King fries (cheese steak fries named after the independent team that played in Altoona prior to the Curve's arrival).

"I'm originally from Philly so I know my cheesesteaks, and the meat is actually pretty good on here," said Pat. "Surprisingly good. And the fries are cooked really nice as well, very crispy. I think I'd get these over the Curve Burger next time."

If you're looking for a place to eat outside of the ballpark, may I suggest Tom and Joe’s Diner? I went there the following morning, accompanied by Mike Kessling and my colleague Josh Jackson (he and I drove to Altoona from New York City). This place is classic.  

To end our time in Altoona, we visited the grave of John Gochnaur. Some say he was the most awful Major League ballplayer of all time, but that just makes us love him more.

Thank you, as always, for reading. Also, thanks to MLB live content coordinator Sydney Kaschalk for assisting with the evening's photographic and video documentation.

I love hearing from readers of this newsletter. Get in touch anytime, and please recommend The Baseball Traveler to others who may enjoy it. Finally, please follow me on Instagram (@thebensbiz), X (@bensbiz) and Bluesky (@bensbiz.bsky.social). I appreciate you. 

Contact Benjamin Hill

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