Monday, October 13

Welcome to the second of what will be five October editions of the Baseball Traveler newsletter. This month's preantepenultimate installment, as it were. Let's talk about Minor League Baseball.

The third annual MiLB Awards Show aired on MLB Network on Sept. 29, the day after the final Minor League game of the season. The show's producers, perhaps to their regret, were gracious enough to allow me to be a part of it.

Over the course of three and a half minutes -- the dumbest 210 seconds in sports -- I hosted an awards show within the awards show. The six winners, in categories I made up and will never utilize again, are exemplars of Minor League Baseball's irreverent gameday spirit. Let them serve as a reminder that, when you go to a game, you never quite know what you might see or who you might meet.

Here are the six winners, chosen from among teams I visited during my 2025 ballpark road trips. May they inspire other teams to reach similar heights of absurdity. 

Most Purr-fectly Named Concession Item
Litter Box Sundae (Omaha Storm Chasers, Triple-A KC)

The Storm Chasers serve the Litter Box Sundae during their annual "Take Meow’t to the Ballgame" promo, in which cats (and their owners) are invited to the ballpark.

(Minda Haas Kuhlmann)

Yes, it's called the Litter Box Sundae, but don't let the name alarm you. It only resembles the contents of a litter box and fortunately doesn't taste like one (not that I would know). This feline-omenal dessert -- featuring vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup atop a bed of graham cracker dust and rainbow sprinkles -- comes with its own scoop. Think inside the box!

Now that the cat's out of the bag, let's move on to:

Most creative use of a common household item
Toilet Paper Night (Charleston RiverDogs, Single-A NYY)

The RiverDogs love to get the fans involved, and they don't mind getting messy. They've had Silly String Night. They've had Color Night. They've had champagne celebrations on the concourse. And this season, they brought back Toilet Paper Night, a promotion originally staged in 2021 as a response to the previous year’s COVID-era toilet paper shortage.

Toilet Paper Night is what it sounds like: Give fans a roll of toilet paper at the end of the game and then watch the chaos mul-two-ply. Trash the ballpark with toilet paper! Make a mess! Do an interpretive toilet paper dance. Everyone loves it, except the grounds crew. They don't find it Charmin.

Let's keep it rolling with:

Best Mode of Ballpark Transportation
Roller Skating J*Sparkle (Hub City Spartanburgers, High-A TEX)

Spartanburg isn't just known as Hub City, as another one of its nom de plumes is Sparkle City. No one sparkles more at a Spartanburgers game than the effervescent J*Sparkle, who glides through the ballpark on roller skates from the time the gates open until the time they close.

J*Sparkle’s job is to spread joy, an admirable vocation. She always has a smile on her face, and she’ll probably put one on yours as she glides on by. 

We now move on to the high rollers: 

Sweetest Suites
Lake County Captains (High-A CLE)

If you think suites are just for suits, check out what the Captains offer at Classic Park in Eastlake, Ohio: They've got a '70s Bowling Suite, with a miniature lane and a disco aesthetic. They've got a neon-drenched '80s arcade suite, featuring classic video games.

They've got a Casino Suite, if you're willing to gamble on what that may entail. Finally, they've got a Christmas Suite, with a tree and ugly sweater carpeting. When you're in the Christmas Suite you’ll be rooting for the Captains to get a W, singing "No L! No L!"

I'm all over the place here. Or would that be Oliver the place?

Best John Oliver Award
John Oliver, Promotions Director (Columbia Fireflies, Single-A KC)

Yes, John Oliver the TV host did a great service for Minor League Baseball this season, celebrating its weird and wacky energy and going on to create Erie's Moon Mammoths alternate identity. But Minor League Baseball already had a John Oliver, and he works for the Columbia Fireflies as their promotions and fan engagement director. And that John Oliver has a message for the other John Oliver, a Johnny Oliver come lately as far as he’s concerned.

And finally, we've saved the worst for last.

Most Awful Promo
Awful Night (Altoona Curve, Double-A PIT)

The Curve have staged Awful Night for over two decades. It's a subversion of the norm, an inverse of the ordinary and the antithesis of the archetypal, all in service of making the gameday experience as awful as possible.

Lowlights of this year's iteration included the discordant musical stylings of Hot Dog Boy, a Name That Smell competition and a Name That Tune competition in which the song in question was played on the kazoo. Loco, a mascot who neglected to wear pants, oversaw it all. Even the Curve got in on the act by winning the game in the most awful way possible: a walk-off walk.

Congratulations to all the winners, and I'm sorry that time constraints precluded me from including your acceptance speeches. Now I want to hear from you: What was the most unique thing you witnessed at a Minor League ballpark this season? Who was the most unique person you met? How did they exemplify Minor League Baseball's creative energy? My inbox awaits your reply: benjamin.hill@mlb.com

I love to hear from readers of this newsletter and especially love hearing from readers named Ben. A couple of days ago I received an email from Ben B. that I’d like to share.

If one were to attend a game at every Minor League affiliate of a Major League franchise in a single season -- for instance, I live in Columbus, Ohio, and attend many Clippers games; if I were to also take in an Akron RubberDucks game, a Lake County Captains game, and a Lynchburg Hillcats game -- would you dub that feat a "home run?"  If I throw in a Cleveland Guardians contest, would that make it a "grand slam?"  Curious what you think.

Ben’s suggestion of "home run" and "grand slam" would work in this context, but it’d be cooler to come up with an original term instead of something recycled for a new purpose. Does anyone have any suggestions? If someone attends a game at every stop of an MLB organization's farm system, what should that be called? Let me know.  

If you enjoy this newsletter, think of the other people in your life who might feel the same way. Please tell them to subscribe. Also, please follow me on Instagram (@thebensbiz) and X (@bensbiz). I appreciate you.

Contact Benjamin Hill

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